...MORE drabble
ASUKA. IF I DIDN’T LOVE YOU…
*coughs*
I wash my hands of this entirely.
It was Tuesday, and that meant bathhouse escapades cleverly disguised as Konoha’s young male chuunin coming together to bathe and exchange stories of their week’s missions. It was sort of a tradition---meet at the bathhouse at four, wash up, emulate a social life, and then go out for an early dinner and maybe a little sake if they could hit up an adult to sneak them some. Shinobi weren’t noted for being amazing communicators naturally, so this was their best shot at anything remotely resembling social skills.
Even though they were chuunin, they were still a gaggle of sixteen-year-old boys.
This much was evident in their bathhouse banter.
“WELL I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I THINK I’VE GOT THE BIGGEST DICK IN KONOHAGAKURE,” Kiba said, legs spread underwater as he scratched idly behind his ear. Clearly, he was using his indoor voice for the sake of the other boys, though Shikamaru still had both long-fingered hands shoved firmly against his ears.
“Right, whatever,” Naruto scoffed, wringing out his washcloth before dunking it carefully and then chucking it at Neji. The Hyuuga had been meditating, but he ducked nonetheless---the washcloth hit Lee instead, and with a wet and wholly satisfying smack. “You must not look at what the rest of us have hangin’ between our legs, ‘cause your shriveled little dog-balls aren’t anythin’ special. ME, ON THE OTHER HAND…I’ve got a fiiiiiiine set.”
No matter what, their conversations always looped around to this. Who had the biggest penis, which of them was the best in bed, which had slept with whom---or, in some cases what. They were shinobi. These sort of conversations were deadly serious stuff, because everyone knew half of a man’s pride was his mental penis-size. A man could not be an adept shinobi unless he was well-endowed.
“You’re all dickless,” Sai put in helpfully, his smile wide and blithe.
“Guys,” Chouji groaned, leaning back against the wall with a heavy sigh. He huffed a long hank of hair out of his eyes, tucking it back up into his bun so that it didn’t get wet. “This is stupid. None of us have girlfriends, so it doesn’t really matter how…uhm. How…big we are. Or aren’t. Does it?”
Shikamaru made an interesting coughing sound, looking a touch flushed.
“Exactly!” Lee crowed, standing and clapping a hand on Chouji’s shoulder. “My dear friend, you have touched on an essential topic---the beating, glorious heart of the matter! It isn’t the size that matters---“
“Girth’s more important anyways,” said Sai, swirling experienced fingers in the eddies Lee’s movement created.
“---or even girth! What matters is the heat and potency of our youthful flow, the thick nectar that will bring Konoha its next generation of warriors---“
“Oh, God. Is Lee talking about his youthful cum again?” Shikamaru asked, turning to Chouji and donning a pained expression.
“Yeah, yeah he is.”
“---SO REMEMBER, MY FRIENDS. DO NOT WORRY YOURSELVES OVER LENGTH, OR GIRTH. GAI-SENSEI SAYS THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS THAT A MAN MUST STRIVE TO PLEASURE THE WOMAN HE LOVES UTTERLY, EVEN IF THAT MEANS SACRIFICING HIS OWN PLEASURES FOR HERS,” Lee boomed, standing proudly, scarred hands on his narrow hips. He quirked a winning and entirely too glittery smile at his teammate. “Right, Neji-kun?”
“You know Lee only goes on like this ‘cause he’s got a big penis an’ feels satisfied with it,” Naruto cut in wrathfully, blue eyes bright and hard in challenge.
“BASTARD,” Kiba growled in token, settling himself deeper in the water with a ‘harrumph’.
“Kiba, Naruto…” Chouji tried to say in a placating tone, raising both hands in treaty. “Could we cool it with the cocktalk for once? I mean, there isn’t anything you guys haven’t said a hundred times before. Naruto may be small but he has stamina, Kiba can lick himself, Shikamaru is too lazy to get an erection---which isn’t true, y’know---Neji could have an endless hard-on if he pushed the right chakra points, Lee has…youthful cum, and---“
“Easy for you to say, Chou,” Naruto snapped. “You could have a twenty-foot cock if you used baika-no-jutsu.”
Chouji was struck to hugely embarrassed silence. Raging color erupted over his rounded face, curling up invitingly in his chubby cheeks. He tried several times to formulate a retort, but it came out as affronted squeaks and half-formed stammers.
“I---you---baika isn’t---you know---I-I’d never---wouldn’t be good for---“
Sai sloshed his way across the bath, settling himself down between Shikamaru and Chouji. He smiled brilliantly, a hand on the large boy’s plush thigh.
“You I like.”
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theninjakitty) wrote,
chipper
